"It's true that absence makes the heart grow fonder. But we also know that many things may happen during those times of separation..."

As the popular saying goes, "history repeats itself". And it really does. The cycle just never stops. We stop communication, he courts someone else, something happens that would make him stop dating that girl, he comes back and "dates" me, things will be perfect, then he starts fading away. Again. Here I am again. Hoping and waiting for the same guy. Over and over and over again no matter how many times he has turned me down and chose someone over me. How stupid.

I thought this time would be different since we are mature, so I believe. But I guess I'm wrong. For the millionth time.

I don't know what would make me really let go and decide not to love him anymore. Maybe him telling to my face to stop loving him and that he loves someone else. Or someone who would show me that he isn't the only guy in the world; that there is someone else out there who would be ready and willing to love me and commit to me.

I STILL HAVE FEELINGS FOR YOU...

Letter I want to send him - Sept. 14'09 11:39pm

Hi *** :( Break na tayo ulit. I admit that I saw this coming nung binabalikan mo ako. But despite of that, I still chose na balikan ka...Kahit alam kong dadating ulit ang araw na toh na masasaktan ako, pinili ko pa rin na magkabalikan tayo. Mas pipiliin ko pang masaktan pero nakasama ka kahit sobrang sandali lang kesa naman yung pakawalan ko yung opportunity na makasama ka at maiparamdam syo kahit papano kung gaano kita kamahal :|

I know hindi ko dapat pagsisihan yung reason ng breakup natin ngayon. Actually, I'm thankful nga kasi nagkakaintindihan tayo about dun. Ang kinalulungkot ko lang ay yung pagsisimula na ng pinakatatakutan kong mangyari--hindi ka na magpaparamdam. Akala ko kahit itong part lang na toh hindi na sana mauulit kaso hindi pala. Talaga ngang histroy repeats itself. Haaay...sobrang lungkot na lungkot ko ngayon. Kung alam mo lang. Pero kahit papano may konting saya kasi alam kong masaya ka at nagagawa mo na ulit lahat ng gusto mo. Sayang lang kasi hindi kita kayang pasayahin. Emo na kung emo pero ngayon winiwish ko na sana mamatay na ako ngayon kasi wala na sakin yung taong pinakamamahal ko. Sana lagi kang masaya.....

Letter I want to send him - June 22'09 6:58pm

My love,

Hello :) Ang dami ng nangyari from the last time I wrote here until now. Sayang hindi ko nasulat :| I think that was December 27, 2008 when I saw you once again. It was the Lion King concert/play in our church. We didn’t get the chance to talk though >.< But I was very happy when you texted me again nung January 18, 2009. I would never forget that day :) Because that was the day when y love knocked on my door again. I was about to sleep na that time but you suddenly texted :) So ayun ang saya-saya ko na since then ♥_♥ I never thought na that day would stil come. Haay sobrang namiss kita baby!!ü Alam mo baby, sooooobrang nabbless ako sayo. You’ve changed—for the better!ü God has been using you to get me closer to Him by reminding me to have my quiet time. I’m sure you’re also a great blessing to other people. Baby, I love you more each second. Tama ba ang grammar? :)) If I only have the freedom, I would choose to spend time with you palagi.ü Grabe baby parang first time ko lang ulit mainlove. Alam mo yun yung parang kilig na kilig na ewan :)) Haay baby ^.^ Baby, sorry for the things I did/said that hurt you. I never meant to hurt you :| 1 year nalang legal na tayo :D I love you very much! Let’s just continue praying, waiting and trusting that Lord that He has great and wonderful plans for us. Baby, thank you sa LAHAT.Ü

I hope I could make you happy every time we’re together and even every time we’re apart. I love youuuuu! Huuuuug ^.^

Forever yours,

Rej

Letter I want to send him - Oct. 28'08 11:43pm

Hello **********!ü How are you? Thanks sa pagtext sa akin nung Saturday (kahit ang tagqal mo magreply at ayaw mo agkwento hehe). Nag-unli lang ako kasi nagtext ka :p So ayun...Kamusta ka na? May bago ba sayo?ü Miss na miss na kia, alam mo ba yun?üüü Hehe. Pero hindi naman ako sad, depressed and emo kasi sanay na ako. Syempre nakakalungkot hindi ka na nagpaparamdam at hindi ko alam nangyayari sayo :( Pero ayos lang, kaya ko naman eh...kayang-kaya! =) Ayun...sobranf miss na kita! Namimiss ko pag sinusundo mo ako sa school. Namimiss ko yung mga text mo; mga pangangamusta mo sa akin; mga pagsabi mo sakin na love mo ako at miss mo na ako; mga pagyaya mo na magkita tao...basta lahat! :p Haaay...Pero like what I said, kaya ko naman kahit wala lahat yun. Tanggap ko na naman na wala na talaga tayo eh. Sana lang kahit friends lang tayo ay magkita pa rin tayo madalas :) Pero ok lang kung ayaw mo :) Ayun...I still love you ***!ü mwah...and I'm still waiting patiently and loyally as always :)

Forever and ever,

Rej

Letter I want to send him - Oct. 23'08 6:30pm

Hi ***!ü Kamusta na? Buhay ka pa ba?haha Kamusta naman mga bago mo...bago mong friends?ü Haaay... Alam mo ba ako eto nagmomove-on na. Thank you na rin siguro sa hindi pagpaparamdam. Hindi na kita iniisip at inaalala 24/7. Hindi na rin ako nalulungkot kapag hindi ka nagtetext and kapag hindi mo ako kinakausap ng maayos sa YM. Nasanay na rin siguro ako. Thanks ah! Hmm...ano pa? Wala pa akong bago at hindi ako naghahanap. May nagkakagusto daw sa akin sa school kaso ayoko pa talaga. Kahit pogi pa siya at mabait, wala talaga siya nung something na nakita ko sayo. Atsaka...ayoko lang talaga. Hindi pa ako ready at hindi lang talaga ako magkagusto sa iba. I don't see my future with somebody else but you. Pero siguro in time matatanggap ko na rin na hindi na yun mangyayari. In time, matututunan kong hindi na iexpect and asahan yun. Masaya naman ako ngayon.ü Pero syempre mas masaya kung nagpaparamdam ka diba?! :p Oo aaminin ko na may mga times na namimiss ko yung relationship natin. Hindi man kita iniisip palagi pero I know in my heart na namimiss kita and na mahal na mahal pa kita. It's just that natututunan ko na to let go. Praise God for that :)

Love,

Rejoice

Letter I want to send him - Oct. 16, 2008 6:46pm

Hello there ***!ü

It's been a while since we last talked and saw each other. I'm OK =) I'm happy that we're still friends. God has been very faithful in giving me JOY despite the trials that come my way. =) Also, my relationship with my mom is going back to normal again...to the way I like it. =) Of course I miss you. I miss your sweetness, your sweet messages and all. I miss telling you how much I love you. I miss everything about you. I miss you every single moment. But thanks God that I am able to handle it well now. =) Honestly, I am still hoping for us to get back together someday. It is clear to me that it is not NOW, but i can wait...I WILL WAIT :)

So there...I still love you...I will always love you :)

Loving you always,

Rejoice

PS: If you only know how happy I get every time you text me (no matter what you say), every time you chat with me in YM (still regardless of what you say) and every time I see you (even if you don't mind me at all) :)

Letter I want to send him - Sept.29'08 10:08am

My dear **********,

Our status has clearly been a whirlwind. You haven't read my message pa pala! haha funny. But that didn't change anything. And since we're not yet broken up pa pala, why are you so cold and aloof? Why do you not text? Why do you not call me baby anymore? And why do you not say "i love you" anymore? :'( Whatever the reason behind all these is, please let me know...

Anyway, thank you so much for yesterday kahit parang napilitan ka lang. Thank you for agreeing to meet up with me. Thank you dinagdagan mo yung bayad ko ;) Thank you for walking me to the sakayan kahit labag sa kalooban mo. THANK YOU :D I'm so happy talaga spending time with you...sana lang you're happy din :( I hope we could just switch places--I'm the guy and you're the girl. I will do everything just to make you happy and everything that will be for your good, safety and protection.

Ayun, so yes, i still love you...very much! And whatever changes you had, I will still accept it. Just tell me when to stop. Tell me if you don't love me anymore. Tell me if it's time to go away. And if that's what will make you happy, I'll be forever gone...But i will never stop loving you.

Forever and ever,

Rej