It has been a day after my birthday. I'm kinda glad that the "tragedy" happened close to my birthday because it somehow gave him a reason to text me. I'm glad he did. I'm glad that we got to talk and exchange a few texts yesterday. I'm quite happy with that.
I still miss him though. I can never and will never deny that.
I've been hearing a variety of presumptions, assumptions and opinions from people as to why he did what he did. I like some of it, but not most of if. I try to pretend that I agree to everything that they say and just nod my head. But deep inside i'm hurting even more when i hear the things i don't want to hear. There may be truth to it or none, I will never know, but I try not to focus on it because I don't want to be angry and bitter.
Maybe I love him too much that I choose to believe what I want to believe or maybe because I know everything was actually true. Or maybe I'm just too scared if there was "another truth".
It rained hard today. I hope he didn't have a hard time. I hope he didn't get stuck in traffic. I hope he didn't get hungry and too tired. I hope he had a nice day. I hope he's happy. And I hope he misses me too.
He's always on my mind. He never left. Even my heart. There are times when I'm really tempted to text him, but I am suddenly reminded that he wouldn't want that; that it might just disturb him or whatnot. It wouldn't make him happy.
Sometimes I just daydream, relive the days we were together, imagine that we still call each other "baby"...all of it just to brighten up my day. But on the other hand, it just makes the feeling worse as I am reminded that it will never happen again.
This is gonna be a long and lonely journey which I have to endure and take on my own.
1 comment:
"People who are meant to be together always find their way in the end." - it my happen or it may not. you just have to let go of him for now. hope for the best but also expect the worst. I pushed away someone before. we NEVER spoke after. And for the past 8 years, we dated other people, fell in and out of love because we assumed they would finally be the one. But then in the most unexpected way, we suddenly found each other again but he was already 8,140 miles away, but hopefully, returning home this December. coincidence sabi nila. i say it was fate and destiny at play. And this time, we learned from our mistakes. I just say to myself, maybe the world wasn't ready for us then and we weren't ready for each other then too. we had a lot to learn first before finally being ready for each other for forever. Never lose hope, but never be blinded by hope. God will take you both of you where you need to be.
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