The Truth I Never Want To Admit

This is the truth I never want to admit. The story I never want to tell. The memory I never want to recall. THE BREAKUP.

Call me emo. Call me melodramatic. I don’t care. I’ve moved on but there’s something in me that tells me to let this out. Something in me just doesn’t seem to settle down until I’ve said this.

So that’s it. We’re broken up. I believe that almost everybody thinks that I was the one who broke up with him because of “the message” [my bestfriend Jessica knows what that is.]. Sorry friends but that’s not the truth. HE BROKE UP WITH ME. We broke up even before he read my message. When he was saying his piece, I never mentioned anything about the letter. He told me that he doesn’t want to hurt me anymore [Didn’t he even think that I will get hurt with what he just didn?O_o]. He told me he will wait for the right time for us to be together again “legally”. He told me he will wait for me. He promised that we would still keep in touch and be good friends. But I guess he already forgot about that. I start to believe that promises really are meant to be broken.

I guess that’s the summary of the whole story. Maybe you could just connect my previous blog to this one to answer your questions (if you have).

I’m kind of surprised though that I wasn’t that depressed compared to our last breakup. I don’t know if that’s because I have a feeling that we shall be reconciled again or I just got tired of everything that breaking up was like a sigh of relief or something. As I look back on the days in which the issue was still fresh and I was there hoping that we would be together again soon, it now makes me think twice if that’s what I really want. Yes I admit that I still do love him a lot. But…..if we get back together, I have this feeling that history will just repeat itself. Heartache, frustration and guilt will be my companions once again. My cheeks shall be bathed with tears from time to time. And my mother’s intuition and doubts shall be like monsters under my bed. I wouldn’t want that anymore. Who would?

I believe that what we have and what we are right now are better than before. We get to think and realize stuff that we don’t even seem to notice when we were together. I want to believe that this endeavor will be the door for me to meet other people; to meet the one God has prepared for me. I am not in a hurry though and I am just enjoying my singleness and youth. Right now, having a boyfriend isn’t the most important thing in the world and it won’t be in my to-do list for some time.

So far, I am thankful to God for what He has blessed me with. I am thankful for my family and friends. I am very much happy and contented with my life right now. I know it won’t be easy and it would certainly take time. That’s why it’s better na rin that this happened now so that it would start na and would end just in time.

I have no idea when my love for him will start to fade. It may take a while for I promised him I will love him forever. I promised him that I will love him until they take my heart away. I promised him that I will love him until the seas run out of water. I promised to love him until the stars fall down from the sky. So should I wish that promises really are made to be broken?